Taylor and Collin

I cannot believe it has taken me this long to blog this incredible Asheville engagement session. This Covid-19 quarantine has given me some extra time to go through my backlog of un-blogged sessions. I’m doing whatever I can to keep myself engaged and mentally healthy, but anxiety and depression is a very real threat right along side the stacking bills.

I’ve been struggling lately, struggling to keep my head up amidst the financial realities of living in a Covid-19, socially distanced world—struggling to stay energized and creatively sharp and to keep my eyes on the future of this business. I remind myself that what I do today impacts a month, six months, even a year from now, but man. It’s hard to press through isolation and the prospect of failure for the hope of something better when it all clears.

I remember this engagement session so clearly. I had made the drive from Raleigh to Black Balsam Knob in Asheville to meet Taylor and Collin for their photoshoot. The trouble with shooting in Asheville is the absolute lack of service. After driving four hours towards the location, I pulled over to the side of the parkway where we had agreed to meet, but there was no one there. We had crossed wires and given each other the wrong address, and when I finally realized that, I didn’t have enough service to enter in the new one.

I could feel the sweat running down my back as the time ticked on, and I was close to being late to the session. I had no way to contact Taylor and Collin to ask where they were or how to get there. After failed attempts to call them and look up an address, I back-tracked several miles till I had enough bars to input the correct address. I prayed and prayed that they hadn’t left the parkway, but when I finally made my way to the parking lot I didn’t see them. I felt so defeated and a little tearful (which is a rare occurrence for me). I had never stood up a couple before, and it made me feel like a complete failure. To make matters worse, it started lightly raining and a thick fog rolled over the mountain tops. As I walked with my umbrella by every car to check if it was them I was losing hope. But then, what felt like the last crucial moments, they pulled up. I couldn’t believe it.

Truly, the beginning of this session could not have felt more stressful. It would have been so easy for both of us to turn around and give up, especially even after finally finding each other, it began to rain. But something in us brought us to give it a try anyways, and I cannot express to you how thankful we did. The circumstances that produced these pictures —the dreamy fog, the perfect light, the rich-wet colors of the world after water darkens the earth’s surfaces—would not have happened had the day gone any other way. Had we located each other immediately and started on time, the dreamy light and fog would have been nowhere to be found. Had it come more easily, I think I would have had less appreciation for the novelty of this session, the specific environmental circumstances that gave me a chance to create amidst a stressful moment.

As I fret about the future of my job, my business, my mental health, I’m looking back to see how I pushed forward to find and create the kind of beauty made in and by the fog that only comes after a storm. And this is also the time to say, I couldn’t have possibly done this without amazing (and I mean truly amazing) people like Taylor and Collin, who despite starting an hour late amidst rain and wind, were incredibly patient, gave their all, and trusted my creative process. So I encourage you, if you’re struggling right now, look back to the storms you weathered and list the creative anomalies that came from those times, list the people who banded with you to make it happen, and cast vision for what you can make in this fog. And look out for each other, especially those who are becoming overwhelmed by the darkness.